Sorry that I've taken this long to write you...just know that not a moment has passed without you in my heart.
Ralphy I get so upset when family, friends or religious poseurs make the trite claim that you are in a better place. Yet no-one wants to die! The somber reality is that your hopelessly dead, in a solemn coffin, which is not a fucking better place. My brother the thought/vision offers something disturbingly melancholic, I can't seem to find the peace people speak of. History would've been best served taking me, and leaving you to blossom - Brother know I'd switch with you in a heartbeat: this whole experience has made me, sort of, agnostic.
Ralphy' I'll admit to selfishly berating you for getting killed, mostly because of me being imprisoned. I counted on you to cushion the grief my incarceration caused mom and dad. Sorry. Now I'm of the mind that it was perhaps our lot in life. Brother, surely you hear moms cries resonate to the high heavens. Can you somehow quell her pain, otherwise inconsolable she'll remain until she's laid to rest at your holy-side. As for Dad, that hardened impervious man is torn. Vicariously through his love for you, I've witnessed the treasured essence of a father's love.
Ralphy' I sadly remember right before your accident wishing ill upon you, only after learning your disrespect towards Kimberly. brah' you crossed the line! I hated you then for exploiting my absence, knowing that I loved that girl. Man although there is no excuse for that flawed moment - I'm sorry for having the gall to wish bad upon you in my shallow state of insecurity...I'm more anguished that soon after something unthinkable happened. Sorry. Overwhelmed as I write this letter to you I cry, I cry because I lost my big brother, my friend. I cry in remembrance of the times you protected me when I failed to protect myself, I cry deluged in memories and countless instances of admiration, I cry because I never got the chance to say goodbye, I cry because I love and miss you so fucking much.
Yet I find some solace in feeling your constant presence. I guess you'll never stop being my big brother huh? I smile.
Ralphy, once I am released from this third-world incarceration I'll be at your grave site to chat some more. We miss you dearly...
Rest In Peace, with Love your lil Brother